The more things change, the more they stay the same. This annoyingly trite cliche' is never more true than with drug use and pop-stardom. Lindsay Lohan, Brittany Spears, Kirsten Dunst, Eva Mendes, Brad Renfro; the list of those described in the media as party animals is as long as the wait for a reservation at one of the fashionable detox centers which are popping up like magic mushrooms throughout Southern California.
"We've had to add an extra wing." Said Gilderoy Fortesque, the owner of the China White House, a designer treatment facility where high-end patients must endure up to 3 grueling days of mud-baths and shiatsu massage before being declared clean and sober.
Fortunately, there is additional help out there for the young and the restless. Older, more experienced rockers are coming forward to share their "stash" of wisdom with the new breed of substance abusers. A prime example of the counseling available for the younger set is that provided by that venerable Sage of Smack, Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards.
known by some as "The Horse", now offers advice
to younger stars. (Which would be all of them.)
Richards, who is roughly 700 years old, can no longer accurately be described as a substance abuser. Because every cell in his body has been replaced with the chemicals he used over several lifetimes, any additional input - not that I am suggesting that he's still using of course - would only be adding a bit more of the glue that keeps him from dissolving into a hazardous waste site.
Recently Richards was asked if he had any advice for troubled singer Amy Winehouse who had entered a rehab center the previous month. The former addict, who is considered legally dead in 7 states said with great compassion:
"She should get her act together," he then paused and added "Apart from that, I have got nothing to say to the bitch."
Words to live by.
Richards is not the only member of the Rolling Stones with experience in mind altering pharmacopoeia. Mick Jagger, lead singer for the band discussed his own early use of illegal drugs.
funnier than the Richards/Yoda morph.)
"When we were experimenting with drugs, little was known about the effects," Jagger said. He then went on to say that had he and the other rockers of the 60's known of the potential damages, they would never have been so relaxed about drug use.
Uh huh.
Other long-dead rockers, interviewed psychically to avoid any potential libel suits, agreed.
Jimi Hendrix said. "I mean, who knew about wine and sleeping pills? Man, it sure surprised me!"
"Mama" Cass Elliot added, "And ham sandwiches! I never saw that coming!"
Elvis Presley, although present, will not be quoted. I might be willing to take my chances with Radical Islamists, but only a suicidal fool will mess with the millions of Elvisic Fundamentalists who still worship "The King"
You'll find the "Kings" (and Queens) of comedy over at humor-blogs.com
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