Oh Idaho!

Many people have the wrong idea about people who chose to make their home in Northern Idaho.

Narrow-minded gun-toting zealots; chlorinated gene pool Deliverance extras; bouffant-haired, spike-pant, turbo-blonds with hyphenated first names like Lulu-Bell or Bobbi-Sue; and jug-eared, barefoot, tow-headed kids who need to take Ritalin just to speed up.

Most people don't believe it's like that anymore.

Fortunately, as election after election demonstrates, most people are wrong.

Northern Idaho remains today the bastion of Real Men. A place where a man is still judged by the firmness of his handshake, the value of his word, and his artistic display of car parts in the front yard.

It's a place where a belch is still a compliment to the cook, bless her heart; and where a good personal-area scratch can do more for your self-esteem than a month of sessions with Doctor Phil.

But before you start thinking that the Idaho men are some kind of Neolithic throw-backs to the days of the patriarchal subjugation of women, I'm here to tell you that those days are gone forever.

Sigh.

Nowadays, women are considered every bit the near-equals of men. And Idaho women hold a place of high esteem in a Real Idahoan Man's heart.




We men of Idaho were some of the very first to support womens' suffrage. And it was a proud day in Idaho when our women, for the very first time, won the right to exercise their franchise. Now, when I tell my wife who to vote for, it doubles my electoral clout!

And we love our wives. After a hard day of cleaning, doing the laundry, cooking, teaching the kids in our home school, gutting my fish, and bringing me a cold one after a rough day on the lake, I always remember to give her a big hug and kiss before she heads off to the gas station mini-mart for her swing shift. Sometimes I even do the evening dishes.

(Let's just keep that between you and me, OK?)

The most important thing to remember is to never take your wife for granted. You need to pamper her and thereby remind her of her good fortune in being married to you.

And it's the little things that count. Like, when taking your sweetie out for a night on the town, actually getting out of the truck and going inside rather than simply rolling down the window and ordering. Or taking the time to fetch your own beer from the fridge at half-time; assuming of course that it's during one of those ads for male incontinence.

And Idaho is also all about family and community. Being the father of two daughters, you might think that I would be incredibly bitter and depressed about my wife's abject failure to provide me with a male heir. But nothing could be farther from the truth. I'm sure she did her best. And having only daughters is nothing to be ashamed of, no matter what they say down at the bowling alley.

True, the atmospheric estrogen levels in my house can get dangerously high, especially in the winter. And at times like this, for my own safety, other temporary living arrangements must be made:




But on the whole, my daughters are treated with all the love and respect they would deserve if they were boys. Even in matters of their education; all the mathematics necessary to figure out gestation periods and a strong emphasis on reading, especially regarding recipes and sewing instructions.

Daughters play an important role in your average Idaho community. For example, one of my neighbors has a twenty year old son who is building a successful career in scrap metal collection. Marriage negotiations concerning my eldest daughter are already well underway. Naturally, any union will have to wait a few years, at least until she's old enough for the learner's permit she'll need to drive the scrap truck.



And I'm not going to let her go easy. These kinds of arrangements require a great deal of understanding and tact. I fully appreciate my daughter's worth as a thinking, caring individual. I won't let her go for anything less than my neighbor's '86 John Deere swather.

I know that a lot of my readers would consider a trade like this to be completely offensive and a total betrayal of innocence, but if he's so dumb as to pony up a perfectly good swather, that's his problem.





A big hello to visitors from my wife's commentary over on worldnetdaily.com. Hope you'll visit again and maybe take my humble blog as a feed. And feel free to leave a comment. If I don't like it, I can just delete it.

And to all my readers, I'd surely appreciate a vote over on humor-blogs.com.

Thanks! And have a great weekend.



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