Stumbling For Office

From the Don Lewis Campaign Headquarters
Northern Idaho.

We are currently working on a new and more secure campaign headquarters.
(We're already having problems with leaks.)

Hello again my fellow Americans.

I want to say that I am honored and gratified that so many people have expressed an interest in my Presidential Campaign.



But now the hard work must begin. We have left the heady early days of yesterday (Oh alright! Sunday. Sorry I didn't post yesterday, I was quite busy yesterday inflating the campaign headquarters.) and have now reached the first crucial phase of any campaign: explaining away the past indiscretions of the Candidate.

But before we get to those, I'd like to continue telling you why I'm a different candidate than all the others.

My opponents are supported by special interests who are pouring millions of dollars into fancy advertising while consorting with tawdry women of low moral character.

I on the other hand have to snag my campaign cash from my wife's purse. And she won't let me have, or even look at tawdry women. I think this stinks. I mean, what's the point of running for President if you don't get to hang out with tawdry women?

But I digress.

Our nation is sorely divided. Red State. Blue State.



And who pays for this? You the American People do! And this is insane! Billions of dollars for red and blue paint and none for independent Presidential Campaigns and tawdry woman rental??

But we will not be disheartened. We will overcome the tremendous forces of Discrimination based on Color!

And to that end, I've decided to create a new Political Party. A party that melds the red and blue states to create a Grand Union!

Ladies (tawdry or otherwise) and Gentlemen.

I give you:

The Plaid Union Party!

A tip of the tam to CrotchetyOldMan, my provisional Director of Communications for the idea. (Provisional because campaign finances are such at the moment that I'm paying my staff in beef.)

Experience!

Many have asked: Don, what kind of experience do you have that would suggest that you are even capable of leading our Great Nation?


Bah!

Take a look at the current President. A military pilot. A past Governor, and a twice-elected President. Does he get to hang out with women of loose morals?

You bet he doesn't.

Being president has nothing to do with experience. It is all about gullibility. And I will stand my loyal supporters' gullibility up against anyone's!


In the weeks to come, I will be announcing my Cabinet. Naturally, I will be choosing people based on integrity, personal honor, and above all loyalty.

Loyalty.

Welcome to the Plaid Union Party!

Join us and become one of the colorful skid marks that make up the fabric of the American Way.



And don't forget. (Just in case you missed the subtle hints above, to vote for me at humor-blogs.com.


Thank you America. And good night.



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