The Tough Choice

I am no fool (Regardless of what the polls say.)

The Sarah Palin thing has shown me the light and must obviously influence my choice for a VP candidate. Apparently grizzly-skinning ex-beauty queens are in.

So I have been working hard to narrow my short list of Vice Presidential choices to women. But not just any old woman. My Vice President must exemplify the highest virtues possible, i.e. she must distract the nation and the press from my own limitations as a commander and chief.

I've pretty much whittled it down to four potential running mates:

Margaret Thatcher
World Leader

Pluses:
The "Iron Lady" still sends thrilling ripples of fear through the pooftah loins of members of the British Left.

Understands well the intricacies of a "Power Tea".

Lots of foreign policy experience. Fully capable of launching total war to retain control of a small group of barren, sheep-infested islands.

Minuses:
Is not, per se, an American citizen. However, according to several reputable extreme right-wing blogs, this can be easily corrected with a Hawaiian birth certificate.

Apparently is suffering from dementia. (This may not actually be a detriment. My campaign strategy depends pretty heavily on the deranged demographic. And if I choose her we can confidently declare that the demented will have two advocates in the White House.)

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Martha Stewart
Home-making Doyen
and ex-con

Pluses:
A proven business expert with "hands-on" judicial and penal experience.

Can make peroski.

Minuses:
Will be constantly redecorating the White House.

Can't lie worth a damn.


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Jayde Nicole
2008 Playmate of the Year

Pluses:
Inexpensive wardrobe requirements.

Creative Speller.

Will most certainly be called upon to break many tie votes in the Senate.


Minuses:
Mrs. Lewis


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Finally of course, it behooves us to consider how well John McCain did in both keeping his running-mate a secret and in making such a non-conventional choice.

Thus I present the mystery candidate. A person with foreign affairs aplenty. Noted for hunting, fishing, and waking up from benders in exotic locales with interesting people.

Pluses:
With this running mate, I can comfortably leave the Country and campaign in Cancun. The press won't even miss me.

Minuses:
As I said above. I am no fool.

mystery woman

(Just a reminder. I'm off to the Shrewsbury Renaissance Faire in Philomath Oregon for the next week. I have a full slate of wonderful guest-bloggers lined up starting Wednesday. So stay tuned and see you all next week.)