Forever Young

I don't know how he died, really. No one does, since everyone who was with him died at more or less the same time.

I'll bet he was afraid.

I would have been.

It must have been hell on earth - above earth to be exact. A booming, banging, grinding, shaking, shattering horror. Especially it must have been tough on him, hanging as he was below the belly of a crippled plane, a bubble of glass exposed to the flak and the fire from enemy aircraft.

A tasty and too visible target.

Fire Over Ploesti
by Roy Grinnell

His B-24 Liberator was powerful, true. But it was also lightly armored and easily damaged in combat. When damaged, the B-24 often lost the electrical power needed to rotate its gun turrets, and the gunners would have to hand-crank their turrets around, trying to follow the enemy planes.

Too slow. Too slow.

He was probably the youngest man on board. He was certainly the lowest-ranking member of the ten men who made up the crew. That first day of August in 1943, he'd only been in the Army Air Corp for a year and a half. He'd only been overseas for six months. He was 19 years old. He came from a farming family that lived in a very small town in Kansas. He had one sister, two brothers, and two very worried parents.

He was assigned to 98BG, a bomber group stationed out of Benghazi, Libya. His mission that day? In coordination with 178 bombers and 1,700 crew members, the 98BG was to attack and destroy the oil refineries at Ploesti, Romania. These facilities provided the Third Reich with one third of its fuel. And the Nazis were very hungry for fuel in the waning days of 1943.

The oil refineries at Ploesti were protected with massive anti-aircraft batteries and hundreds of German and Romanian fighter planes. The distance traveled by the Allied bombers meant that no fighter protection could attend them. They were alone.

It was a tremendous undertaking. A gamble of men and machines desperately needed for the war effort. A 2,400 mile, eighteen hour trip there and back again with only a half-hour of available time over the target.

And in the end, for over 500 airmen and 52 bombers, there was no going home.




They say he's buried at a cemetery near Liege, Belgium. Maybe he is, maybe he isn't. The records show that his B-24 was shot down over the refinery, but that it happened before the crew could disgorge the plane's 8000 pound payload of high explosives. And the B-24 Liberator was well known for burning merrily when it crashed.

But I'm sure his name is on one of the white crosses standing in formation at the lovingly well-tended cemetery.



His parents back in Kansas received the medals that he was awarded posthumously at a ceremony, probably one of many such ceremonies on that same day. The medals were: a Distinguished Flying Cross, a Purple Heart, and the Air Medal with three oak leaf clusters.




Both his brothers eventually went to war as well. One went as another tail gunner, the other as a pilot. His younger sister stayed home, grieving for the older brother she would never see again on this side.

Eventually she married my father.

The parents, the brothers, and the sister passed away some time ago. There is now no one that can tell me anymore about Donald Phillip Sowers - Sargent, United States Army Air Corp; the uncle I never knew and whose name I share.

Donald Philip Sowers never woke to the face of his bride on the day after his wedding. He never paced the floor late at night singing softly to an infant daughter who just couldn't sleep. He never got to hold his child's hand the last time she needed, or wanted, help to cross a street. He never felt the aches and pains of a long life, well lived.

And well loved.

But I will remember him and so will my children. If you've taken the time to read this, tip a glass in his name and remember him. And all the other lost brothers and sisters as well.

Think of the things he missed, for the things you have.

Donald Philip Sowers died fighting the greatest evil of our times.

A young man of 19 who will never grow old.

Dumming Doun Tennissea

By now, I know that my readers recognize that I am a man who supports tradition. Yes Sir. (Or Ma'am.) The old ways are the best ways. (Except for no medical care, unstoppable epidemics, racism and sexism of course...unless they are rooted in tradition. Then I'm all for them.)

That's why I'm giving a tip of my Resistol cowboy hat to the great State of Tennessee (Motto: It's easier to spell than Mississippi.) for holding the line and not bowing to the pressures of certain - let us say - undesirables who might consider applying for state employment.

Tennessee, a State who's high school graduates consistently average in the bottom third of all States on the ACT College entrance examinations, has wisely decided not to allow home school graduates to take any State jobs that require a high school diploma.

Well Done Tennessee!

The reason for this is perfectly understandable. Since the State doesn't set the educational criteria for home schoolers, then obviously the State doesn't know if the home schoolers meet the same rigorous standards that apply to the State run schools! Case closed! Home schoolers won't be pulling the wool over the eyes of Tennessean officials. Any wool-pulling will be self-inflicted.

Of course, the usual piss and moaners will be certain to point out that since The State of Tennessee doesn't require a minimum grade point average for graduation, they really don't have any idea how proficient any given State high school graduate is.

Other whining nay-sayers will say nay by pointing out that home schooled kids in Tennessee kick the s**t (a nod to Cathouse Teri) out of the government school kids when it comes to everything but joint rolling and banana-condom installation.

But let's face it. Those 'D' average Tennessean graduates will need jobs too and private industry selfishly requires it's employees to be able to chew gum and make saliva at the same time. Fortunately, it appears that Tennessee State government jobs do not require actual electro-chemical nerve transmissions.

I mean, who says that a fire-fighter has to be smart, educated, or even sane? But, the thing he MUST have is a diploma from the State.

"It's almost as much fun as starting 'em Dude!"

And how important is being able to spell your name without a cheat card? A solid values system and a work ethic may be common to home schoolers, but of what use are attributes like these to police officers or day care workers?

"I'm on a nail break."

So congratulations Tennessee.

Even if you won't accept the best qualified applicants, at least you'll have the satisfaction of knowing your new hires won't be siphoned off by the private sector. And you'll be less likely to have employees concerned about corruption or malfeasance. They probably won't be able to spell, or define, either of those words.






Have a sweet weekend O my faithful readers! But if you run into any Tennessee government employees, speak slowly and use little words. Oh, and if you are feeling generous, you might give a click here at humor-blogs.com to help me get back up the ladder. Thanks!


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Congress Repeals Law of Gravity

I always see the funny side of everything. And everything does have a funny side. That doesn't mean everything has a pleasurable side of course. A lot of humor is based on pain. So you can imagine how I laughed till I hurt when I came across this bit of whimsy.

The United States House of Representatives (Motto: "And Yet You Send Us Back Every Time") voted 324-84 yesterday to authorize the US Justice Department to sue OPEC Member Nations for price fixing and restricting oil supplies.

"This bill guarantees that oil prices will reflect supply and demand economic rules, instead of wildly speculative and perhaps illegal activities," said Democratic Rep. Steve Kagen of Wisconsin, who sponsored the legislation.

Possible penalties that might be levied against OPEC Member Nations found guilty could include forfeiture of US properties or bank holdings.

OK, lets take a test! Answer the following questions to see if you're smart enough to be a Congress Critter!

Question One:

You find a OPEC Nation guilty of Price Gouging. You impound 500 million dollars from their US bank holdings and take away their Domino's Pizza franchise. The guilty OPEC Nation will immediately:

1. shamefully admit the error of its ways, tap a keg of oily goodness at a UN frat party and donate 50 million to Nancy Pelosi's latest wind power research project.

2. accept that it has a problem, enter the Barbara Bush Oil Abuse Clinic to avoid further prosecution and in the process 'hook up' with Lidsay Lohan.

3. turn the big oil pipeline wheel labeled "US" to the OFF position, sell all its oil to China, and start manufacturing extra long extension cords for hybrid cars.




Question Two:

True of false: OPEC's refusal to open new territories for exploration and it's reluctance to tap it's proven reserves for additional oil to meet the fuel demands of the United States bears absolutely no similarity to the US refusal to do the same in ANWR, the oil shales of Colorado and Utah, and the off-coast reserves in Florida and California. None, Zip, Nada. (And you're obviously in the pocket of Big Oil to even consider it! ...Pig.)


Question Three:
Chose one of the following as the most accurate description of yourself:

1. I am a completely gormless cretin.

2. I am way more of a gormless cretin than whoever chose answer number 1.

3. I am Democratic Rep. Steve Kagen of Wisconsin.


Scoring:

Bad News I'm afraid. If you bothered to try to take the test at all, you are unqualified to be a member of the United States Congress. They never answer questions.

However, if, instead of reading the questions, you spent your time considering the use of the US nuclear arsenal to move the Earth further from the Sun to end Global Warming, trying to figure out what OPEC stands for, or day-dreamed about what the loss of Teddy Kennedy might mean for your career advancement opportunities, then you just might have what it takes to become a member of Congress.

But if you do have what it takes, please wash you hands. No point in spreading it around.



Don't forget! A click here will keep me from having to attend the Larry Storch Clinic for Failed Comedy Writers. Please! I can't afford Linsay Lohan! Thanks.



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Bad Days For Idaho Intolerance

Many people across the United States, when they bother to think of northern Idaho at all, think of it as a haven for racially intolerant single eye-brow types skulking in gated and walled compounds, guarded by mentally deficient failed pizza delivery boys in brown shirts with collars tight enough to fold the fat of their triple chins up over their little square mustaches

All of that used to be true of course, but sadly, the glory days of Northern Idaho as the un-recombinant DNA capitol of the US was always over-exaggerated and ended in 2004 with the death of the 86 year old Aryan Nation Leader, Richard Girnt Butler. (Isn't that exactly the kind of name you'd expect?)

You might not remember, and honestly - why would you, but just weeks before his untimely death (About 80 years too late) Uberdorken StrudelFuhrer Butler lead his ravening horde of 40 or so goose stepping Pillsbury dough boys on a white Unity parade down the streets of Coeur D'Alene, Idaho.

Even though he was surrounded by more protesters than the combined pimple count on the faces (and back-sides) of his testicularly challenged followers, and handicapped as he was by little or no brain wave activity, the Supreme Dumkopt was still proudly strapped into the back of a pickup, and often appeared to be aware of random air molecules and loud noises.

Sigh! Heady days indeed!

But the forces of tolerance and cognitive thinking constantly conspired against him. When he ran for Mayor of the small Idaho town of Hayden in 2003, he narrowly lost. (2,100 votes to 50.) And since his death, the Aryan Nation Organization has fragmented and left Idaho for Pennsylvania and Alabama.

Yes, being a respected hate monger in Northern Idaho is no longer as easy avoiding designer sheets. A lot of the old groups have been compelled to change their focus to remain relevant.

For example; the HKK

The Hello Kitty Klan

And it's hard these days, what with high construction costs and all the needed permits, to build a really impressive compound. I've had to cut some pretty serious corners myself.



Even worse, the Federal Government isn't taking Idaho hate mongers as seriously as they used to. All the crack FBI undercover agents have been re-assigned to other States. It's very hard on the ego.



It's like they're just going through the motions now.

Here's your pizza...Hate-Monger.

I've decided to give up the racial hatred thing entirely. I'm considering switching to species discrimination. And given the amount of time I've been spending chasing cows that have busted my fences recently, I think the change will be easy.

The new Enemy.

Happy Monday all! Once again I appear to be slipping over at humor-blogs.com I think it must be some kind of intolerance thing. Help me strike a blow against Bovine World Domination and click here. I could use the help (Or so my therapist says. The Cow Lover.) Thanks.



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Self Defense - The Fundamental Human Right

WARNING: INTENTIONALLY UNFUNNY BLOG POST!

Today is a rather special day. In conjunction with BlogCatalog, blog writers around the world are demonstrating support for human rights in the "Bloggers Unite for Human Rights." Campaign.

When I heard about it, I decided to address, what to me at any rate, is the most basic of human rights: the Right to self-defense.



Indeed, it is that Right alone that ultimately allows all other Rights to be exercised. After all, if you have no right to defend yourself and those you hold dear from attack, be it from a mugger, a rapist, or an Army, then no other Right can endure. And if self-defense isn't an inherent Right of humanity then it can only be a "Privilege" bestowed by Government (And therefore revocable at will.)

I mentioned my plan on one of the discussions at BlogCatalog, and was immediately referred to the United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights, which was written in 1948. Since I couldn't find anything there, I asked the question "Isn't there a human Right to self-defense?" It was made fairly clear to me that, in some people's opinion, if it isn't in this document, it isn't a Right.

Hogwash.

I could go on and on (And will for just a bit, hang in there.) about the the UN Human Rights Council's declaration that there is no human right to personal self-defense.

Yep, that's what I said. According to a UN Commission, there is no personal Right to self-defense.

On August 14, 2002, the United Nations Human Rights Commission appointed University of Minnesota Law Professor Barbara Frey as Special Rapporteur on the prevention of human rights violations committed with small arms and light weapons.

Her report (approved by the Commission) said in part, "No international human right of self-defense is expressly set forth in the primary sources of international law: treaties, customary law, or general principles."

(Huh...Guess she missed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." Exactly how does one ensure these unalienable Rights if anyone can take them away and you have no Right to resist?)

Frey then went on to argue that a state’s failure to restrict self-defense is itself a human rights violation.

(Translation: If a government doesn't stop you from defending youself, the government is guilty of a crime. Isn't that a hoot? The more repressive the regime, the more law-abiding they become!)

She also specifically cites, and rejects, an article arguing that there is a human right of self-defense against genocide.

(Just lie down and die. There's a good darkie. (or jew, or kurd, or...you. )

For those with a desire to learn more about the UN's stance on individual self-protection as well as the historic derivation of the right to self-defense, I recommend the following:

The Human Right of Self Defense

(Wish Ms. Frey had managed to take a look at this. But she was probably too busy deciding on curtains.)

In December 2005, the United Nations abolished the Human Rights Commission. Why? Well, the Commission had been stacked pretty heavily with some of the worst human Rights violator nations on earth. Not to worry though. It was soon replaced by the new UN Human Rights Council.

However, somehow they never got around to tuning up the membership criteria. There were still no real standards for member Nations to have even a passing acquaintance with human Rights.

Current member Nations of the Human Rights Council:

Angola, Bangladesh, Azerbaijan, Bolivia, Canada, Cameroon, China, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Brazil, France, Djibouti, India, Romania, Cuba, Germany, Egypt, Indonesia, Russian Federation, Guatemala, Italy, Gabon, Japan, Slovenia, Mexico, Netherlands Ghana, Jordan, Ukraine, Nicaragua, Switzerland, Madagascar, Malaysia, Peru, United Kingdom, Mali, Pakistan, Uruguay, Mauritius, Philippines, Nigeria, Qatar, Senegal, South Korea, South Africa, Saudi Arabia, Zambia, Sri Lanka.

Is it any wonder that a group such as the Human Rights Council, given the number of repressive regime members, would come down heavily against the notion of an armed populace with the ability to resist genocide, slavery and state terrorism?

To quote Governor William J. Lepetomane from Blazing Saddles: "We've got to protect our phony-baloney jobs!"

So here's the deal. Human Rights are Universal. But only because they reside in each and every individual one of us. When human Rights are assigned to you by the Government, they are a Loan.

And Loans come due.

You want to fight for human Rights?

Blogging about it is fine. But more importantly, learn where those Rights reside. Challenge those who argue that they don't exist...and find out why they believe this. Demand your Rights be kept inviolate. And demand the same for your brothers and sisters across the globe.

And learn to shoot straight.

Terminal Camping

Welcome to Camp Donner Party!

Finally a family camp designed for the Urban Eco-Warrior!

At Camp Donner Party you can live the lifestyle that you've been trying to foist off on the rest of us for so long!

Here at Camp Donner Party, you will be able to escape the trappings of civilization, and forgo all those troublesome aspects of modern living, like; plentiful food, relative safety, and old age.

And a vacation at Camp Donner Party is economical too! No return trip arrangements!

At Camp Donner Party we take the 'Civil' out of Civilization!

Activities at Camp Donner Party!

Cardiovascular exercise!

Swimming and non-invasive fishing!

(Mmmm! Mmm! They're biting today!)

Low Carbon "Foot" Print Cooking!

Hunting and Gathering!

Camp Donner Party also offers:

The Virtual Rain Forest Experience!

Environmentally friendly living facilities.

And complete "lifestyle appropriate" medical care.

So make your reservations for Camp Donner Party today! If you're going to talk the talk, then be sure you've walked the walk!

(Camp Donner Party is not responsible for - well, anything. Try suing Nature. Before attending Camp Donner Party, consult your physician to determine if you are safely edible. )




They talk the talk at humor-blogs.com. So walk on over.




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